6 months.

On August 12, You would be 6 months old. Learning to crawl. Learning to sit up. You'd probably have teeth and eat bites of food off my dinner plate. 6 months since you came into my life and stole pieces of my heart. 6 months without you here. 6 months has never been so short but felt so long all at the same time.

Harbor~

Not a day goes by that you aren't a thought in my mind or brought up in a conversation. You are every bit apart of my life. Now. And forever.

I announced to friends and family via facebook that we are expecting again. I want others to know that you aren't being replaced. But that in fact your place in our family is very much yours...FOREVER. No one can fill your shoes. No one can fill the void in my heart where you belong. I guess, I want to make sure that you aren't forgotten. That your short life holds a purpose and that there was a reason behind why you had to leave so soon.

As your little brother or sister is growing, my fears and anxiety that they will leave me too, grows. I wish that I could some how just forget that loosing you was and is so hard. I wish joy would fill me once again. I wish that I would have been granted another story, one with a happy ending...that included you in it. One where I would get to see your beautiful face. See you smile. Watch you grow. Hear you laugh. A story that didn't have to end 6 months ago. Leaving its reader...me...hanging on. Wishing that the story never ended. Wishing the story still continued. But it's as though someone has borrowed your book of life and ripped out the final chapters. I am left to pick up the pieces and figure out the ending. Or make it up as I go.

So for now...happy 6 month angelversery! I love you so very much son!

Love~ Mommy