Today is the day I so highly looked forward too. A day marked on the calendar since November 2013. A day that was suppose to be filled with joy & happiness. A day where friends & family would have gathered together to congratulate us, rejoice with us & offer us up their blessings. Oooooing and aaaaahhhhing over each perfectly formed little feature. Today was planned out so differently, in my mind.
I had envisioned a day where I was ripe with life. A day where I was so uncomfortable but excited. I would have been filled with so much excitement, everyone would have known. My bags would have been packed. Clothing carefully picked with the anticipation of the individual that was suppose to fill them. A day filled with photos! Tons and tons of photos. Tears. Joy. Sweet relief & Lots of LOVE.
But reality is...my heart is broken...my arms are empty...and today has played out so very very differently. As grateful as I am for the children I have been blessed with...I long for a few extra moments with the son I never got to know. The son that I had to say "Good bye" too, before I ever got to say "Hello" too.
Today is another reminder of what I am missing out on. A reminder of all that could of been and should have been. A day of sadness, sorrow, heart ache and tears. Oh how I wish today could have turned out differently.
Harbor Reed, I love you more then life itself. I love you to infinity and beyond. I hope today you are surrounded by angels that cuddle you and tell you stories about me, until I get to see you and hold you again. I love you my dear sweet boy! Eternity can't come soon enough.
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