Today my family finally met our newest nephew for the 1st time since he was born. He is now 3 weeks old. We weren't planning on seeing him until Easter Sunday. But plans changed and our oldest was going to need to be picked up from my sister-in-laws house. We had a short amount of time to see the baby since we were on a time crunch to get kids to Taekwondo.
I know this might sound awful...but I was dreading the whole scenario that was playing in my mind. I seriously had heart palpitations and I just wanted to cry in terror. (Wow...I surprise myself, just writing that.)
But it's all true.
As I drove nearer to their house the internal panic increased & my blood pressure did too. How was this all going to play out? Sheer panic.
We made it inside the house and congratulated my sister-in-law. She was showing her son to my husband. I asked if I could hold him. She handed him over and instantly, my eyes filled with tears. My thoughts turned to a mixture of emotions, but mostly...sadness and happiness.
Looking my nephew over. Trying to in vision Harbor, if he had made it to full term. I wanted so terribly bad to whisper in his ear, those Words that I would have said to him had our outcome been different. "I love you and I'm so glad you're here." I mean, how hard could it be? Very hard. Harder then I realized.
He was so cute. He looked just like his daddy. My brother-in-law. He had quite a bit of black hair on his head. Cutest little nose. Poutiest bottom lip.
'A' was so cute with his newest cousin! He kept coming over & hugging him & kissing his head. Saying "Baby! Baby! Baby!" He then wanted to sit down and hold him! Kissing his head over & over & over again. It was a sweet moment.
But then I have to ruin it with thoughts of Harbor. Thinking this is how it was suppose to be. We were suppose to be the parents of a new baby & 'A' was suppose to be smothering OUR baby with hugs & kisses. Ugh...I hate feeling so jealous. I truly don't think I could have prepared myself for all that. I decided that my husband needed to have a turn. So I took the baby over to him to hold for a minute before we had to leave.
He was reluctant and as soon as our nephew was in his arm...instantly...tears filled his eyes. I could see how hard it was for my husband as well. He held him for a few minutes, commenting on some of his adorable features. He also noticed how much our nephew looked like our brother-in-law. He then stood up, walked over to his Sister and gave her a hug. I'm not sure of the words he spoke to her. But I would like to think he was congratulating her & telling her, he is beautiful!
We then had to hand the baby back & rush out the door. We were going to be late for Taekwondo.
Regardless of how we were feeling during the visit...we are glad that we finally met him and I hope in time, we will be able to hold our nephew & other babies & not long for the day when we get to hold Harbor again.
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