Others shared their photos as well! It was so nice to officially see their babies and some mementos of their babies! By the end of class, nobody wanted to leave. It's a bitter sweet moment that you don't want leave. The bonds that we have forged together as we are grieving our losses is irreplaceable. I personally didn't want this to be our last weekly meeting. It was something that I looked forward to all week long. A time when I could freely share how I truly felt and receive feedback from others that could personally relate. I hope that our friendships continue to grow and that we will still see each other at monthly meetings.
Homework (Week 4) ~April 14, 2014~
Week 4: Journaling Topic:
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Write a letter to your baby. Tell them of your hopes and dreams for them, or express to them the emotion you are feeling now that they are gone.
My dear sweet Harbor boy,
Oh how I miss you moving & growing within my belly. The days are turning into weeks without you here. Your big brothers & sissy, miss you so much as well. Our hearts won't ever be the same again. Your life, even though it was only a short span, has marked a huge spot in our worlds. Every time 1 of your older siblings do something: funny, crazy, cute or annoying, I can't help but wonder how you would have changed our dynamics.
From the moment I knew you were alive & growing, I envisioned you! I had planned out holidays spent with you. You would have made the cutest little Superman at Halloween time! Friends & family members would have smothered you with hugs & kisses! You would be held all the time. I truly don't think you would ever be laid down!
Your big brother 'T' was looking forward to lovin' on you! He already had things he so lovingly wanted to do with you! Like rock you to sleep while singing songs to you. He wanted to make you laugh & smile. He has cried the hardest since you left us.
Your big Sister's biggest complaint is that she didn't get to hold you. She has cried many times with the thought of NOT being able to hold you until she goes to Heaven. She loves you and misses you dearly.
Your big brother 'M' loves to talk about you and draw pictures of you with Jesus! It warms my heart and makes me smile! He misses you as well but it's a nice comfort when he reminds me of who you get to spend your days with! I know you are being well taken care of and are surrounded by friends & family members that will love on you until the day I get too!
I was looking forward to moments spent with you in my arms. Nursing you. Hugging you. Bathing you. Touching & counting each little finger & toe. Running my finger over your chubby cheeks. Gazing into your eyes and watching them light up when you recognized it was me! The sleepless nights. The diaper changes. I was looking forward to all of it. My arms ache with emptiness and the lack of your presence is noticed and felt throughout my day.
Oh, what wouldn't I give, to hold you 1 more time?
Last week, your daddy & I went to Ikea. On our drive there, we smiled in delight as we took the Harbor exit (the very Exit, you where named after) & then the very next exit we took was Reed St exit (which we didn't realize)! How ironic! Your 1st & middle name, 1 right after the other! It felt like a sign from you. Letting us know you were present, when we needed to feel you most!
The days...weeks...and even months now, aren't getting any easier without you here. Every time your big brother 'A' sees a baby, he feels compelled to hug & kiss them or pick them up. And every time, I think of how he would have loved you to pieces too! He loves to hold your urn and kiss it! Much how he would have cuddled with you in person!
I'm not gunna lie...I miss you so badly. I wish I had more time with you.
So much I want to say to you...but you know the intentions of my heart and the words I can't seem to find to say to you. Heaven has another special little guy and they are lucky to have you back.
I'll love you forever, my sweet baby boy!
Much love, Always and forever!
Love your Mommy
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