Sticks and stones...

'Sticks and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'

Oh how I wish that this childhood jingle could ring true all the time. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case, this time. Definitely easier said then done. For sure.

While on a Return to Zero the movie forum on Facebook this afternoon a conversation came up. It was a quote from the movie. It was the scene where Maggie & her mom were having a conversation and her mom told her she had had a "miscarriage" before she had gotten pregnant with Maggie. Maggie is shocked that she hadn't heard of her moms loss until now.

Here is the dialogue from that scene:

This was a very profound scene in this movie. It validated so many babies by just stating..."It's still a loss...And it still hurts. It's not just the loss of a baby, it's a loss of a possibility of what might have been-and that is exactly the same."

I have felt this way since back in 2004 when I lost our 1st baby. But as the comments poured in, it was obvious that mothers to Still born babies didn't feel the same way. Some spouted off really mean and hurtful comments. I was so furious that they were belittling MY son. Devaluing his existence because he was born before some "cut-off" date that was placed by some random, rule-maker-person, that believes that babies aren't babies until a certain gestational age.

Justify it however you need to in order to sleep better at night people.

What a load of crap.

So I couldn't take it any more. I broke down and truly had to let these ignorant people know how it is from my point of view. So, I copied my post titled VALUE in their comment section. I felt so much better afterwards. It's so profound and rewarding to see so many people LIKE my comment. It was validation, that I think deep down inside, I truly needed. I am NOT alone and obviously, there are others that feel the same way that I do.

One particular comment afterwards stood out to me and has forever changed my terminology. She was trying to make a point because her baby died 3 days before the "cut-off" date to be considered a Stillborn baby. Instead, her baby was called a "miscarriage." She said she started calling her babies death...an Early Stillborn. I love that.

Saying, Early Stillborn, at least acknowledges that there was in fact a real baby there. Her son, just like MY son...they each had 10 tiny toes. 10 tiny fingers. Ears. Nose. Mouth. Eyes. Etc. They were human beings.

I had to be induced. I had to deliver his body. I had my milk come in as well. I don't understand how others can sit an compare their losses with mine and say such horrible things.

So I will never call Harbor's death a miscarriage or a late term miscarriage...again.

Editing...processing...loading...waiting.............

EARLY STILLBORN.

That is what I will be calling our loss, from now on.

Harbor was Still. Harbor was born. He was a Stillborn baby. HE WAS STILL...BORN.