Group Support & Homework

My husband and I have been attending a Grief Support Group for a few weeks now. We have found it to be therapeutic for the both of us. For the last 3 weeks we have been attending a specially designed Group therapy called Short Term Grief.

Each week a topic has been predetermined and we discuss the topic. So at times, something in the work booklet triggers something with 1 of us 4 couples or sometimes we can relate to what we are talking about and share our own experiences with each other. It is quite helpful to know & feel like you aren't alone.

At the close of each week we are given "Homework" assignments or suggested things to do.

I have taken these assignments very serious and have felt the need to really read over & write them out. Answering or fulfilling each "requirement" as I go along.

Now I don't want to be seen as an over achiever. I just want to glean as much as I possibly can to better help myself & those around me cope. (ie: my husband & children) I have learned from my past experiences in therapy sessions that you definitely "Get out of the therapy, what effort you put into it."

So basically if I just show up & do minimal work, then I shouldn't expect to ever fully  gain the maximum benefit from the therapy. But if I put my ALL into bettering myself & learning ways to cope or find healthy ways to move forward, then I WILL! Plain & simple!

Some of our homework assignments I have found to be a bit difficult to answer. I have truly had to dig down deep to honestly answer some of these questions, here is glimpse of Week 1's Homework assignment & my personal responses:

Homework (Week 1) ~April 1st, 2014~
Week 1: Journaling Topics
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What are my feelings about my loss?

A: My feelings about my loss are complex. I feel: sad, disappointed, angry, confused, numb and I could go on.

Somedays I feel like I can move on. But then once I start to do a task to move forward, I become emotional & sometimes very bitter & irritated then I loose interest again.

How did I feel about the meeting? Was it helpful?

A: I am really glad that I have the opportunity to connect & share my experience with other parents that understand. I think that part of my problem during this grieving process is the lack of understanding from others. Friends & family mean well, but not many have walked this road & to avoid hurting my feelings they avoid me, causing more harm then good. I need to know that others care. I need to know that I'm not alone. I need to be able to share my thoughts & feelings about loosing Harbor openly with them. But there isn't anyone there to do so with. So yes I found it helpful in coming to these meetings! I like that we as a group can bounce off some of our own experiences on how to cope or how to handle a situation amongst each other & know that we won't be laughed at or judged for doing so. I appreciate that no one expects me to just "get over" loosing Harbor.

Do I have any regrets? What are they?

A: Yes I have regrets. I regret that I complained during the 1st trimester about having morning sickness. I regret that I didn't tell Harbor that I loved him more often. I regret not being able to make the most of the time I was blessed to have with him in utero. I regret not asking the Drs for more copies of his ultrasound pictures. I regret that I didn't get a chance to make him some sort of clothing to wear or blanket to be cremated in. I regret not taking more pictures of him.

Is there anyone I need to forgive?

A: I probably do. But I can't seem to pinpoint a certain person. Oh wait...Myself! I probably need to be more forgiving on myself. I am hard on my self about his death. I do blame myself for failing him.