The Sky Is Falling...

This morning "T" (my newly turned 11yr old) woke up. I could tell he was upset. But it's his birthday and as an 11 yr old he shouldn't have issues yet with growing older. Him having just woke Up, I couldn't figure out what happened. So I called him over to where I was sitting on the couch & asked "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"I had a bad dream. It was so real. It's was so scary." He replied.

Then as he tried to explain his nightmare to me, he began sobbing. In between his sobs he said the following:

"There were bad guys throwing nukes at our house and they were trying to take 'A.'"

He cried even hard at the thought of his little brother being taken away. I snuggled him & reassured him that his brother was still here and okay. I had him hug 'A' and I told him NO war/fighting video games for a while.

The effects on my children from loosing Harbor, haven't been fully felt yet. 'T' has taken our loss the hardest. I believe that's because he is so much like his momma and holds back his emotions & bottles them up. As to not upset others around him.

On Sunday, my husband & I attended our Grief Support Group meeting again. On our way home we were talking about our concerns for 'T.' I feel like he might benefit from a few counseling sessions. He needs to talk to someone and I feel like if he doesn't then his anger is going to get the best of him.

It's such a crazy roller coaster after having a late term miscarriage. But no one seems to notice the surviving children in the family and their possible needs for an outlet to work through their emotions too. Us, as parents are so wrapped up in our own grief. We tend to accidentally over look our living children at times. Unintentionally, of course. By no means would we want to cause more harm then good to any of our children.

I guess I failed to realize that my older children, had hopes & dreams planned out that included Harbor in them, as well. They are mourning the Reality, that opportunities of being able to: hold, kiss, play with, watch them grow, hear them say their names, etc. aren't ever going to happen. That's a HARD reality to have to wad through for me. I can't imagine what that must feel like for my children whom are only: 11yrs, 8yrs & 7yrs old to comprehend as well. It must feel like the sky has fallen upon them and that anything bad, imaginable, can happen in a split second.

'T's' dream has reminded me that I need to find him a safe place to release his worries & fears. With people who are going to reassure him that we will all be okay. Eventually. But that it's okay to feel however he is feeling.

It's just so hard to try & hold myself together during all this turmoil. Let alone hold everyone else up. Keeping myself composed so that it will seem as though life will continue on, unchanged.

But reality is...it has changed. And. So. Have. I.