It. Kills. Me.

No one ever prepares you for the roller coaster of emotions grief releases on you after a loss of a child. 

I have lost friends, family members, pets...but nothing can prepare you for this. 

Yes, I have 4 living kids. I'm grateful beyond words! Believe me. But what kills me day in & day out is...all the dreams I had for Harbor as apart of MY everyday life. All the empty clothing, that I had bought in anticipation of his arrival. 

1 outfit I bought was a "My 1st Thanksgiving" onesies. So carefully picked out to be about the right size to fit him at that time frame. 

You want to know what kills me the most? What kills me is that everything of Harbor's fits into a very small wooden box. That's it. Everything of my sons, fits into a small box. I can't fit everything of my older children's in to just 1 small tiny box. 

It. Kills. Me.