Stop and take it all in.

I had to stop myself the other night, while at Target. I was out shopping with 3 of my kids, when right by the milk refrigerator, a pregnant lady (she had to be about 6-7 months pregnant) stops. She turns to her husband & kind of half joking/annoyed says "what are you doing?" He was obviously taking in her beauty! He was snapping a picture of her adorable pregnant belly! They were purchasing a car seat/stroller combo. It was the only thing in their cart. The husband was grinning ear to ear. He had Such love! Such amazement, bursting from within him! It was apparent he was thrilled! But the poor woman wasn't amused. For a split moment, I paused. I debated on running over to her & saying what was truly in my heart.

"Hey pretty momma. Just pause for a moment. Bask in this glory. Truly take it all in. Truly thank god for this sweet baby you have inside of you, that is probably kicking your bladder like a punching bag. Smile. Give in to your husbands excitement & just let him take your picture! You will be so thankful you did when this is all over. You will be thankful that you have that precious memory on file to look back on. Don't take single second for granite. That baby just might not make it 'til it's birthday, breathing. Your life can be altered. Derailed. In a matter of a split second. Take it all in. Let that baby know & feel just how much you & your husband LOVE him or her! Slow down. Time will surely fly by."

I literally wanted to run up to the lady & just make her realize (if she didn't already) that what she's carrying is truly a miracle!

But after my long pause to watch these two interact, I felt a bit jealous & had to leave before I ruined their moment together. As I hurried away I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes. My pain & heart ache came rushing back to me as fresh as the day when I found out Harbor's heart was no longer beating.

Since that night, I have been in a bad mood. Unable to pinpoint, until this evening, why.  I hate feeling like a nut case. I am so thankful for friends, family members & other people that are pregnant, really I am. I just wish that I was still pregnant too. I wish things hadn't gone the way they did. I wish that I never had to know such sorrow.